So today some girl started texting me and i can tell she likes me, but idk i feel bad. like she’s very nice and i’m down to be friends, but i don’t like her. she was flirting really hard tonight and i felt bad.

also i started talking to a girl that i’m in a mutual with on here and she’s super cool, but i just wish she lived closer. i’m not going to go into anything long distance again. it’s too hard on me. i need a physical relationship tbh, not just texting. that being said, I will see if I can get her number because she’s super funny and I want to be friends with her.

Oh, and I unfollowed Sam because I realized I don’t have any interest in being friends tbh. that sounds shitty, but I mean, it’s not because we arent dating, it’s just because I don’t think that i’d ever be able to be just friends with her. I liked her a lot, but for some reason, now that i don’t like her anymore, i get so easily annoyed by everything she does. So I unfollowed her because that’s done. next will be to delete her number, but i’m going to wait on that in case she texts me so i’ll know it’s her. At least for now I’m going to delete it.

Anyway, it’s after 4 am and i work at noon. so i probably should get some rest for the upcoming day.

Aaron, Kelly and I were talking about going up north this summer for a week and I can’t stop thinking about that. Living in a cabin with the two people I love more than anything for a whole week. I want to do that so bad. I’m making a playlist for this summer right now, but the whole time I’m thinking about driving up there, playing this, with the windows down and being warm.

I really need a break from work/family/life. In a month and a half I’ll be off probation. I’ll be making music with Michael again. Maybe I’ll be smoking again. I need to just spend time with Aaron and Kelly.

I was thinking about them today. They’re my real family. They’re the people I feel most comfortable with. I love them so much. They’re the friends that are perfect for me. I don’t know if they understand how important they are to me.

Honestly, if I didn’t have Kelly as my friend, I wouldn’t be here rn.

I’m in a really weird mood right now. I’m listening to music from summer a few years ago and i was talking to kelly about having kids and stuff. and i’m just really stressed out and scared about everything. i don’t know what’s going on with me anymore.

so there’s this girl that works at costco with me and i’ve known her for 11 years, we went to school together, and i think i want to ask her on a date tbh. she’s very sweet, and very pretty, and we get along really well! Idk, we’ll see.  I’ll think about it.

tbh i’m at the point now where i don’t even miss her rn. I’m just irritated that it seems so fucking easy for her to walk away from it.

She said she wants to be friends when i’m over it, but tbh I don’t think i want that. I dont know if I’d be able to be friends with her because our relationship started with us liking each other. That’s it. With other girls it started by us being friends first, so going back to that wasn’t that hard, but with her, there’s nothing to go back to. And I know that as long as we’re friends, especially when she moves on to someone new, I’ll be jealous and caught up with her. It’s not worth it. She’s not really worth it tbh. We had fun, but in the end she said it wasn’t going anywhere, despite me trying to make it go places. She lied to get out of it, and i’m totally done.